sábado, 26 de junho de 2010

My last youtube find!

Hello everyone and before I go and do some other posts, I'm gonna review one of my favorite Youtube Users at the moment, why don't you check him out yourself?

Keep an open mind and research a bit about the things he talks about.


This sir, Magnus Adam Lewis Mulliner, is my new "mentor", per say, I really like the way he talks and expose his ideas and Ideals, and, since I am working to change my life in a more positive way, his tips and "reminders" are and have become pretty useful to me! Maybe it could be to you too!

Blessed be, everyone and have a nice day!

sexta-feira, 25 de junho de 2010

While I work there ir always someone around!

My beautiful baby that likes to bark, bark, bark at everyone! And everything!

You can work, work and I can sleep, sleep!


Pfff, night time get's me really depressive, thankfuly all I need is a good sleep and I'm ready for a next round...

quinta-feira, 24 de junho de 2010


I'm so lost right now. My head hurts and I have tear rolling down my face, all I want to do is dissapear, even tho I now that would leave the ones I love heartbroken. I wish I could just sit back and rest forever, never to wake up, forgiving and forgeting everyone and everything, and that every trace of my soul was lost and recicle in Earth's life string, so no one, ever could remember me.

I wish I could forget about those who smashed me into pieces and put my fear to rest. I can't.

I have this constant feeling that everything I touch or everyone I come across will bring me pain, so I step back and cower in fear, like a little child that got lost into a mall. I've noticed that I've became afraid of people and crowded places, I can't go to a festival without feeling panic and a need to run and hide somewhere. I can't stand when people look at me and say my name, specially my name. I have to talk to strangers, or even to be the center of attention. I can't stand too much people, it scares me shitless.

I should get help, this phobia and depressive states are gettin' worst and I'm worried about my parents, their desperate. I stated to think about suicide again, every conversation I have, everything sounds to me as an insult or like someone is trying to step on me and hurt me, mock me or even abuse me.

I can't sleep, I barely eat and I don't know what to do. I thought about goin' back to school but I can't, I know i'm not gonna make it, I don't know that to do.

I'm not even making sense.

Numb face!

You read it. I haz numb face!

Just came from the dentist and, now that I can eat again properly, I can't eat! my lower lip doesn't react so it's pretty complicated to drink anything (soup included!) or to even eat a simple salad! But I'm workin' on it! I can do it!

oh well... Some peppermint tea with a slice of orange will do...

quarta-feira, 23 de junho de 2010


Well, since I need to write and I'm not sure what, I'll just babble a bit.

First off, I can't wait to be outside, listening to some music and dancing. I love to dance, even tho I don't feel good doin' it in front of other people... Doesn't matter, really. I just want to dance and laugh, because after that day many things will change.

I can't imagine myself goin' back to school and, you know, studying, homework and so on, I need to get out and get a daily ocupation and since I can't work, let's go back to school!

This recovery may take a while but I'll have take care of myself, because no one will and I can't suffer this way any longer. I'm such a silly girl... I could have been happy but I just let that all to waste... Hehe, life is a bitch but I still love her.

Finally back to action

It's wonderful to see how little things can affect us and your chain of reactions.

For example, I've been feeling down and in need of self love in a great scale, what to do?

Keep my rose quartz near me, in my pocket.
Some Lemon Grass oil on my wrists. It's very vibrant and energetic active smell, so keeps me up and cheering.
Other things is to use a color reference to keep me in a good mood, like orange.
A citrine in my desk helps me focus and drain me of any negativity I may be supressed with.
Widows wide open, so the sun can shine and fill the room.
When I'm out, I simply allow myself to get some sun warmth and not runnin' away from it.

domingo, 16 de maio de 2010

Long time no see...

Well... Time fly and we don't even notice it.

I still remember when I was thin and slim and had a bunch of friends, those years were great. I used to be good at drawing, I used to write as mad and still be sucessful at school.

I miss my teen age years so much... Even tho, I had not so good relationships, I don't blame anyone for what I became, I blame only myself.

I used to be someone strong, no one could ever step on me, I was vengeful, fierce and studborn enough to get what I wanted even if I had to fight a milion people.

But now, I'm nothing of this.
I feel lonely, weakened and tired of fighting...
No friends to back me up, not even my best-friends say hi anymore, no one to talk to, no drawing, painting or writting.

Just me, my room and my pack of cigars.
I don't know that got me into this state of depression, I'm gettin' weaken everyday and my head is losing her sense. Desperation and sadness rule my sleepless nights and every time I have to go out I only see disgust in everyone eyes... mockin' me, makin' me feel fat and ugly...

I'm gettin' paranoid.

For a while I thought the faith had left me, and in part, it did... I can't pray, I can't feel safe...

Screw this...